4. Trying again (or so we thought)

We found the weeks that followed incredibly tough. I was a shell and withdrew – I could barely find the energy to be on my own, so definitely wasn’t ready to face others. I was signed off from work to recover physically and emotionally, and spent the majority of my days in a fog of tears and fitful sleep.

Whilst some people are scared to try again after loss, the majority of people I’ve spoken to are very eager to conceive quickly. We fell in to the second group and knew only getting pregnant again would begin to heal our hearts. ‘Luckily’ my cycle returned after 4 weeks and we prepared to try again, praying it wouldn’t take us as long to conceive as the first time.

A week before I was due to ovulate, the post arrived, my stomach sank. Brown envelopes from the hospital were not good news. On discharge following the ERPC, we were told that we would not hear anything further… unless there was bad news. All tissues removed during ERPC are sent for examination as standard – it was explained at the time that this is usual protocol and there is hardly ever cause to get back in touch with couples, in fact we’d put it out of our minds that this was even a possibility. The letter informed us that an outpatient appointment had been made for us for a few weeks time. I was really scared and rang the hospital to try and find out further information (more waiting was not what I needed). We were in the unfortunate position that this letter fell during the summer holiday period, and no one was available to talk us through anything over the phone; all we could do was wait.

I hit Dr Google hard and found nothing that eased the feeling of dread in the run up to the appointment. The day eventually rolled round and the devastating news was delivered that what they originally diagnosed as an anembryonic pregnancy, had actually been a complete molar pregnancy (CMP)…

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