12. Number 4

The tests and the waiting for tests kept us occupied and focused.

Then, April (2013) arrives and I felt a bit different.

We did a test.

I was pregnant again.

After our experience with the third lost one, we decided to try and stay positive, to make the most of the little life. I thought good thoughts. I tried to think ahead to the pregnancy progressing. Maybe this would be our take-home baby. The one.

Then, all too familiarly, at 5+5 I started spotting.

The spotting turned to bleeding.

I was at work. I had a meeting that afternoon. There was nothing, nothing I could do to stop me losing another precious life. I sat in the meeting while I lost our baby.

We were so so sad. After another 9 long months of trying, at probably our lowest ebb, for another chance at our happily ever after to be over so quickly was almost too much to bear.

I rang our consultant and almost begged for more support. She booked an appointment for us for 8 weeks time or so. I was so desperate for more support. I asked whether she could recommend anywhere we could go for private tests (I love the NHS, but I understand its limits). She told me that sadly, as fertility was not our issue, there was little private support out there (well, little with proven results). But (and here was our tiny, flickering glimmer of hope), she mentioned a Professor in Warwick carrying out some research into recurrent miscarriage…


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