Eventually (after a couple of scares and trips to the Maternity Assessment Unit for monitoring) our due date arrived… and passed. Every day of my pregnancy I was on edge. We were forever wondering if his movements were normal and I couldn’t wait for him finally to be out and with us. I was booked in to be induced a week after my due date.
Thankfully my induction was speedy (I was already having contractions when I arrived, apparently, I wasn’t aware!) and 6 hours later we welcomed our precious baby boy in to the world. Not even in the delivery room did I let myself accept that we would actually be leaving with him – I was desperate to be reassured every time they listened in with the doppler that he was okay and refused pain relief (bar some paracetamol and gas and air) as I was scared of it having an impact on him.
When he was placed on my chest it was the most overwhelming, surreal, incredible experience of my life. We did it. We got there. We didn’t give up and finally here was our reward. Our pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and our happily ever after.
We had pre-picked a name prior to his arrival, although had shared it with no one, not even the midwives who asked us in the delivery room, it felt too much like tempting fate.
Although we had considered A LOT of names, Blake had been our ‘boy name’ for as long as I could remember. His middle name, however, gave us a bit more trouble. We went back and forth with what to choose, but nothing really struck us. We were keen for it to have some significance and some meaning and eventually happened upon ‘Quin’, to mean ‘one of five children’. It was the perfect way for us to acknowledge the four precious babies we were never lucky enough to meet and to ensure their memory lived on in our little miracle.
Our precious Blakey brings us joy, laughter and love every second of every day. I still struggle to believe he’s actually here and all ours. I find myself in tears just looking at him and thinking of how far we’ve come. We are so blessed to share our lives with this happy, cheeky and adorable little man and it’s difficult to find the words to sum up the love we feel for our baby boy. I feel a contentment and inner joy, and he has helped to heal the huge hole in our lives and hearts. That said, our hearts reserve a space for the others and not a day goes by that I don’t think about what we had and what was lost. Those four little babies will live on in our hearts and memories forever.