17. Our thank yous

The four years as we waited for our happy ending to arrive were the hardest years for us both to endure. The trying, the failing, the grief stretched us to the end of our resolve. Those near to us, helped to carry us.

We are so so thankful for the family and friends that supported us through these difficult years – offering us the emotional and practical support to make things as bearable as possible. Driving us to scans, helping us pay for our tests at Coventry and offering us no end of love and support.

In addition, I can’t begin to thank the wonderful ladies I ‘met’ through the Molar Pregnancy forum enough. This group of strong, compassionate and loving ladies supported me through some of my darkest moments, as only they knew the depth of the grief and toll such repeated losses have on your ability to function and were there to listen at all times, no matter my fears, grief, anger, worries… To have reached the end of our stories with our precious, special babies by our sides is such a wonderful blessing. Thank you, you know who you are.

Other thanks we sent were to Prof Quenby and her team at Coventry, our consultant, Dr Shillito, and the other EPU staff at our local hospital and the wonderful nurse counsellors at Western Park.

Importantly, I also thank the lost ones. Losing a child / children, at whatever stage, is something no one should ever have to go through. If there’s anything good that’s come from such grief, it’s that losing those 4 precious lives has made me a better person and a better Mommy to my Blakey. Never for a second do I take what we’ve been gifted for granted. Every moment, however hard, is savoured. Do I occassionally yearn for more than a couple of hours sleep? Of course, but I would take a lifetime of broken sleep (and extra baby snuggles) over the days, the weeks of crying myself to sleep. Those babies have taught me compassion, grace, persistence, patience, love and the fragility of life. I’m sorry I couldn’t be the Mommy to you I so wanted to be.

Lastly, for me, Matt. Always Matt. He never lost sight of the belief that we would get there, despite me doing so on a number of occasions. He bolstered me, supported me at my lowest ebb and stayed strong when my strength was long gone. I will be forever grateful for our Blakey and for your love.

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